This is a little a little weird to say but…I’ve been looking through photos of me on Facebook over the past few hours and I’ve noticed something.
I like my face better now that I’ve gained weight than when I was thin.
I mean, I think there was a point where I weighed a bit less than I do now, but still substantially more than before I gained all this weight where I liked my face the best, but right now, it’s still good.
It’s softer, rounder obviously. But it feels more feminine, and more adult. Less like a kid playing at being an adult. Maybe that’s because I associate being thin with being younger, but I graduated from undergrad at that same old weight, and I just feel like I look like a kid in those pictures.
I hate my body so much more than I used to. But my face, at least, I can look in the mirror and almost say it looks pretty, depending on the day. So that, I think, is an improvement.
Here are two photos of me, from a photoshoot I did when I was in undergrad and weighed 133 pounds, and from a photoshoot I did a few months ago, weighing significantly more.
Photo credit to my friend Margaret circa 2014.
I think I’m even wearing the same lipstick in each of the pictures. I mean, I look great in the first photo, though it’s not 100% the best shot for the shape of my face, and pretty good in the second photo, but I’m happier with the shape of my face now – if still upset about my neck and chin being all fat and gross looking.
So I don’t know how to feel about this. I want to lose weight…like, a lot of weight. But I don’t want to be as thin as I was. So it’s something I’m trying to figure out.