Silence is deafening. It’s never truly silent. Sitting in a “purely” quiet room, you hear the tic tic tic of the clock. You hear the gentle buzzing of the overhead lights. The shuffling of feet on the carpet, or of people walking by. It’s peaceful, at first.
But then you hear it and you can’t think.
It’s never silent in my head. At the very least, there’s always a song. (“Hello darkness my old friend…”)
But there’s always thoughts rolling around, running at me, screaming at me. Usually unpleasant thoughts, “You’re not worth it,” “No one loves you,” “No one will ever love you,” “Nobody likes you, everyone left you, they’re all off without you having fun…” et cetera.
“Screaming, quiet, perfect storm…” it’s too much. It’s too loud in my own head. And I can hear it particularly when it’s otherwise silent.
I’m too harsh on myself. I know. But the sounds in my head won’t go away. It’s negative self-thought. And I’m working on it. But sometimes it’s overwhelming.
I’m not sure I like the sound of silence.