Won’t You Be My Valentine?

I wish I had a Valentine this year.

I mean, I know it’s stupid. But I’m really lonely.

the-broken-heart

The Broken Heart – Publicdomainpictures.net

I’ve only had a Valentine twice in my life – and that was because I happened to be dating someone in February. My first boyfriend bought me a carnation and a pizza. My most recent boyfriend bought me Italian takeout and I fell asleep trying to watch the new (not new anymore) Spiderman movie with Andrew Garfield. It wasn’t even a big deal on either occasion.

I didn’t care last year, I’ve never actually cared before.

But this year I really wish I had a valentine. I want someone to cuddle with and fall asleep next to. I want someone to kiss me and tell me everything will be okay. I want someone to love and to love me. I want not to be lonely.

And I mean. I’ve been on a couple of dates recently. But nothing with anyone that has led to a second date.

I’ve never been on a second date.

I had a conversation with a friend a couple of months ago who said she was worried about me dating or trying to date, because she thought I wasn’t comfortable enough with myself and I needed to love myself before I could love anyone else. And that really hurt to hear. I don’t know.

It just sucks sitting here feeling like no one will ever love me. It’s not like anyone ever has.  I mean, I know my family loves me, and my friends probably do, and I know my ex said he loved me so maybe he did at one point…but I don’t know.

I’m just selfish, I guess.

But I wish I had a Valentine this year.

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