Ma grammaire est terrible, mais j’essayerai ecrire en francais en tout cas

J’aime cette langue. Je l’ai etudié depuis sept ans, je pense. Mais j’ai personne pour pratctiquer.

J’ai visité la France quand j’étais étudier à l’étranger à Londres. C’était maqnifique. J’ai eu une petite chambre à une hôtel à Paris, mais pour une nuit seulement. J’ai visité tous les attractions touristes, et j’ai fait du shopping, et j’ai mangé la nourriture délicieuse. J’aime les macarons.Exif_JPEG_PICTURE

Au Louvre, j’ai parler avec un agent de sécurité pour une demi-heure ou plus! Il était joli, mais je m’ai rendu compte qu’il était flirter avec moi après je suis parti. Il y avait aussi quelques hommes qui voulaient que je mangerais le déjeuner avec eux. Ils sont flirtent avec la serveuse aussi. Je pense qu’ils étaient ivres. C’est une voyage interessante!

Je voudrais returner, avec mes amis cette fois.

via Daily Prompt: Translate

The Sound of Silence

taize-silence

Silence is deafening. It’s never truly silent. Sitting in a “purely” quiet room, you hear the tic tic tic of the clock. You hear the gentle buzzing of the overhead lights. The shuffling of feet on the carpet, or of people walking by. It’s peaceful, at first.

But then you hear it and you can’t think.

It’s never silent in my head. At the very least, there’s always a song. (“Hello darkness my old friend…”)

But there’s always thoughts rolling around, running at me, screaming at me. Usually unpleasant thoughts, “You’re not worth it,” “No one loves you,” “No one will ever love you,” “Nobody likes you, everyone left you, they’re all off without you having fun…” et cetera.

“Screaming, quiet, perfect storm…” it’s too much. It’s too loud in my own head. And I can hear it particularly when it’s otherwise silent.

I’m too harsh on myself. I know. But the sounds in my head won’t go away. It’s negative self-thought. And I’m working on it. But sometimes it’s overwhelming.

I’m not sure I like the sound of silence.

via Daily Prompt: Sound

Valentine’s Day and Expectations

I woke up this morning with the song by Meatloaf, Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad, stuck in my head (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5hWWe-ts2s if you’ve never heard it).

Particularly the refrain “I want you / I need you / But there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you…”

vintage_valentine_02

Wikipedia Commons, Creative Commons License

And besides that being a sucky thing to have stuck in your head on Valentine’s day, it just  makes me think of all the expectations there are surrounding love and Valentine’s day. (Or at least it did as soon as I saw today’s daily prompt)

Valentine’s Day is a day about love and commitment and relationships. And sometimes it really sucks not having a Valentine. Sometimes you really want those cliche things – in my whole life no one has ever bought me flowers, or candy.  And I do want that. There is an expectation that comes with Valentines’ Day that, being a girl who wants to be in a relationship, someone will eventually get me those things. (I’ve bought them for partners in the past.)

But what I want more is love. What I want more than any of those silly heart shaped anythings and gifts decked out in read and pink is someone who cares about me to spend the day with. But not just today – everyday.

I’m afraid of being stuck with two out of three  (“I want you / I need you / But there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you…”) but I don’t even have that right now. Nobody wants me, nobody needs me, and certainly nobody loves me. I don’t mean to be complaining about it, that’s not my point.

My point is – celebrate today with your loved ones, if you have them, if you can. With your significant other in particular. And don’t let any particular expectations of the holiday get you down.

Just love.

via Daily Prompt: Expectation

In All Seriousness

In all Seriousness…this is a post saying I’m going to try and do a post for the Daily Prompt every day this week. I want to get back into blogging.

In all Seriousness…this is also a way of procrastinating the three essays I have due by Wednesday – one is finished, one is almost done, and one I haven’t even started. I should get back to my paper, but I want to blog.

In all Seriousness…I don’t know if I’m good enough or smart enough to keep on the track for my MSW – some things are easy, some are hard. And I know that’s the way life is, but I shouldn’t be breaking down.

In all Seriousness…I feel happier when I don’t see my ex, but I’m afraid cutting him out completely would force our mutual friends to choose between us…and I’m afraid they’d choose him. But I am also happy that my ex and I are friends at the same time. So I don’t know what to do there.

In all Seriousness…It’s freezing in my apartment and it’s too expensive to turn up the heat.

In all Seriousness…I’m not sure if this is a poem, or prose. But I’m glad to be writing again.

via Daily Prompt: Seriousness

Won’t You Be My Valentine?

I wish I had a Valentine this year.

I mean, I know it’s stupid. But I’m really lonely.

the-broken-heart

The Broken Heart – Publicdomainpictures.net

I’ve only had a Valentine twice in my life – and that was because I happened to be dating someone in February. My first boyfriend bought me a carnation and a pizza. My most recent boyfriend bought me Italian takeout and I fell asleep trying to watch the new (not new anymore) Spiderman movie with Andrew Garfield. It wasn’t even a big deal on either occasion.

I didn’t care last year, I’ve never actually cared before.

But this year I really wish I had a valentine. I want someone to cuddle with and fall asleep next to. I want someone to kiss me and tell me everything will be okay. I want someone to love and to love me. I want not to be lonely.

And I mean. I’ve been on a couple of dates recently. But nothing with anyone that has led to a second date.

I’ve never been on a second date.

I had a conversation with a friend a couple of months ago who said she was worried about me dating or trying to date, because she thought I wasn’t comfortable enough with myself and I needed to love myself before I could love anyone else. And that really hurt to hear. I don’t know.

It just sucks sitting here feeling like no one will ever love me. It’s not like anyone ever has.  I mean, I know my family loves me, and my friends probably do, and I know my ex said he loved me so maybe he did at one point…but I don’t know.

I’m just selfish, I guess.

But I wish I had a Valentine this year.