Another case of the Sunday Sads. I don’t know why I’m sad Sunday nights. I just am. It’s not too bad this week but maybe that’s because I’ve been distracted all day by netflix and homework. As soon as I finished my readings and my show, I got sad.
I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about something my therapist said. I was telling her that,
embarrassingly enough, I was looking at and evaluating every new person I met as a potential datemate. That is to say, I was treating people, in my head, like pieces of meat, analyzing whether or not I’d want to date them. After talking about this for a little while, she suggested that I was looking for an anchor because I am going through a time
of great change, and I don’t have one. An anchor, for example, a significant other, would be something or someone that would keep me tied down to the past and present while things changed. It would help me transition. You see, there are currently two major changes going on in my life – I just started grad school and my parents are moving out of my childhood home. Now, regarding the latter, I think I’m fine. I don’t think that’s affecting me all that much, but my therapist thinks otherwise. It’s still something I have to examine, but it is, nonetheless, a great change. Starting grad school is pretty self explanatory.
This idea of needing an anchor, it makes sense to me. I do feel “adrift” so to speak – and nothing feels like it used to. My schedule is new and constantly changing with assignments, my parents are moving, and my friend group, while not quite in flux, is not particularly stable. I don’t feel alone this week so much as I feel confused and a bit unstable. It feels like I’m leaving everything I used to know behind, and I have nothing to hold on to. I don’t really know what to do about it. I don’t have an anchor, and it’s not really possible for me to just find one at this point. I guess I just have to drift along and hope I wash up somewhere peaceful, and the seas aren’t too tumultuous.