Within the last couple of weeks I have started both graduate school and my social work internship placement. It’s been pretty hectic for me. Getting back into the swing of class has been difficult, to say the least. One of the things that’s always been hardest for me in class is participation. I always attend class and I’m actively listening and engaged, but raising my hand to talk? Not my strong point. So I was feeling pretty down about it when I saw today’s daily prompt was “Silence” – so I decided to write about it instead of just wallowing in what I felt was my own incompetence. That would have lead to a depressive spiral of self-doubt and self-hate, and had in fact already begun to do so, so bear with me, as this is going to be a by-the-seat-of-my-pants up-to-the-minute stream-of-consciousness blog post. (Did I use the right form of “bear” there?)
Another case of the Sunday Sads. I don’t know why I’m sad Sunday nights. I just am. It’s not too bad this week but maybe that’s because I’ve been distracted all day by netflix and homework. As soon as I finished my readings and my show, I got sad.
I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about something my therapist said. I was telling her that,
embarrassingly enough, I was looking at and evaluating every new person I met as a potential datemate. That is to say, I was treating people, in my head, like pieces of meat, analyzing whether or not I’d want to date them. After talking about this for a little while, she suggested that I was looking for an anchor because I am going through a time
of great change, and I don’t have one. An anchor, for example, a significant other, would be something or someone that would keep me tied down to the past and present while things changed. It would help me transition. You see, there are currently two major changes going on in my life – I just started grad school and my parents are moving out of my childhood home. Now, regarding the latter, I think I’m fine. I don’t think that’s affecting me all that much, but my therapist thinks otherwise. It’s still something I have to examine, but it is, nonetheless, a great change. Starting grad school is pretty self explanatory.
This idea of needing an anchor, it makes sense to me. I do feel “adrift” so to speak – and nothing feels like it used to. My schedule is new and constantly changing with assignments, my parents are moving, and my friend group, while not quite in flux, is not particularly stable. I don’t feel alone this week so much as I feel confused and a bit unstable. It feels like I’m leaving everything I used to know behind, and I have nothing to hold on to. I don’t really know what to do about it. I don’t have an anchor, and it’s not really possible for me to just find one at this point. I guess I just have to drift along and hope I wash up somewhere peaceful, and the seas aren’t too tumultuous.
Colin Kaepernick takes a stand – by sitting down
Colin Kaepernick is a player for the San Francisco 49ers – an American Football Team. For the past couple games, Kaepernick has protested the treatment of black Americans by refusing to stand during the National anthem. This has sparked a national controversy, with people booing him and claiming he is disrespecting the country, while others are supporting him and his right to free speech.