100 Days ago, I started the Selfies for Self Esteem Daily Challenge. (You can read my blog post about it here).
The point of this exercise is to help increase my self-esteem by taking pictures of myself. I’ve gathered all the photos and posted them on Facebook, so I have a place to keep them together, and so I have accountability. (You can view my selfie album here).
Now here’s the question. Has it been working?
Well, yes and no.
The album is doing what it’s supposed to for the most part. I take a selfie, and I feel good. I look at that selfie, and I still feel good about it. So that’s good.
What’s not good is that most of those pictures look the same. I try to make them look different, but I don’t have good enough selfie skills or a high quality enough camera on my phone to take full body selfies, and that’s where my issues lie. I don’t think my face is unattractive (I don’t think it’s particularly pretty, either, but I don’t have too many issues with my face besides that.) But I hate my body. I gained a bunch of weight, weigh way too much now, and I look terrible and feel terrible.
So I look at my selfies and think, “yeah I’m pretty great” for a moment or two, then go about my day. Over the course of the day, I feel the way my stomach rolls in the way I sit down, I feel the flab my bra is pushing aside, I look at my thick thighs and I start to feel terrible about myself in a way that the selfies aren’t fixing. I look at other pictures of myself, I see how thin I was and think of how dissatisfied with my body I was then and laugh. Compared to now, I was a stick. And so that doesn’t help either.
I fall asleep at night thinking about how ugly and unattractive I am. Then I wake up in the morning and take a selfie. My self-esteem decreases throughout the day, and the selfies aren’t changing that. I still have negative thoughts about myself and my appearance.
But what the selfies are doing is giving me a self-esteem boost in the morning. I’m not feeling terrible about myself all day because of them. So I do feel better when looking at my selfies.
So is it working? I don’t know. Will I continue to take selfies? Yes, probably for the rest of the year. Will anything change? Again, I don’t know. But I’m going to keep trying to boost my self-esteem in general (and also work on getting healthier and in shape/into a shape that I like).