I’ve been sick in bed for four days now and I’ve done pretty much nothing but read romantic fanfiction. It’s gotten to the point where I’m dreaming romantic fanfiction, and that sexy Russian figure skaters will come and sweep me off my feet.
But life isn’t a fanfiction, a romance movie, or a novel. And when I wake up from my dreams I’m still alone, and I’m sad.
Yes, this is another post about love and romance and heartbreak and such. I’ve just been thinking about it a lot because I have nothing else to do but read schmoopy stories and feel happy about that and then sad that my life is not a schmoopy story.
I know it’s not all like that, but at this point, I can’t help but feel I’ll be alone forever. I have a hard time meeting people. And maybe I don’t give people enough of a chance, and I’m missing out on something.
For example, I went on a date last week. It was perfectly nice. But…I didn’t feel anything. He was nice, he was cute, but everything about the encounter was awkward. Not in a bad way, and if he asked, I might even go out with him again. But I didn’t feel enough of a connection to want to ask him out again.
And I don’t know if I’m just not taking enough chances. But like. It didn’t feel right. And I don’t know what right feels like. But it wasn’t that.
Maybe I’m too picky. Maybe my standards are too high. For someone who is not very pretty, is an anxious, depressed mess, and is otherwise average in every way, I don’t have a lot to offer. But I’m looking for something special. I don’t want to date just to have someone to date. That’s not me. But who would even like me?
And then there’s my ex – I miss what we had a lot. I still cry about it. And he’s still really attractive. But I’m finally at a point where I know I don’t want to get back together with him – we both have too much baggage and it’s not a matched set. I’m looking for someone whose baggage complements mine.
I’m rambling yet again. I don’t know exactly what the point of this was. Maybe I’m just looking for advice.
Readers, how did you meet your SOs, if you have any? What makes it work? Why can’t I find somebody to love me?